He he he. I was checking tickets at work, and a chick goes “Andrew??” I look up and there is this girl from australia that work at dodge last year and she came back to visit AND SHE REMEMBERED MY NAME!! ( have you ever noticed that the word ‘remembered’ seems to have more than its fair shares of ‘e’s?) That made my day. And Michelle, a race team coach and ski school instructor along with Heidi said that I was the best liftop that they know. And a girl named Season, who I had been talking to in line as we waited for our food at the employee party tonight, found me before she left and said good bye. It may not seem like a lot to you, but when girls talk to me out of their free will, it makes me happy.
I got to play with Michelle’s sword while wearing a fake fro. He he he. It was fun and I didn’t even have to cut one of her daughters.
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We find, after some looking, our hero reading his favorite magazine Paper Clips Unlimited. After drooling over all the new emerging technologies in the paper clip industry, he reads some of the black and white ads in the back. A couple looked interesting and he will get back the electric toothbrush/food processor combo after he gets paid next week. The one that really grabs his attention was the one that bragged he would have the best vacation in his life. He just got back from his vacation yesterday and he feels like he could use another. What made this one special was that it was only one day long! He couldn’t pass it up.
He went to the address in the ad, down to the docks, to the warehouse with the funny writing on it. Walked inside and to his surprise it was sparkly clean and professional looking. A receptionist greets him and says, “Welcome to Quietus, an institute for the furthering of science through the use of volunteers. You are right on time, Mr. Flea.”
“I am?” asked our hero.
“Yes, you phoned in an appointment for this time, do you remember?”
“Oh yeah, that is right” Fredy says as the receptionist shows him to a room. He sits down in the only chair and pulls out his magazine. He doesn’t seem to notice the door locking; he is only mildly annoyed at the loud tumblers clicking in place.
The receptionist walks to her desk and picks up the phone.
“Great Alflonzo, the mark is in position”
“Excellent” the Great Alflonzo said. “Now, what to do with him?”
“I could, you know…”
“Quiet! You fool! You don’t know anything. Bring the room to my secret lair.”
“Yes sir” the receptionist said.
Now Fredy was getting quite hungry. He wondered when some one was going to tell him about his vacation. And he heard a slight humming of motors.
“Tell me my little scientist, what you have planned for the flea problem?”
“I plan to wash my cat and get it a flea collar.”
The response was met with a blank stare.
“A joke. Anyway, I was planing to use some Ni-Chromium, a nickel-chromium alloy capable of repeated heating through electrical current.”
“I know what it is, it is used in toasters.”
“Yes, invented by the greatest man that walked the earth, besides you, your Greatness, a mister Albert Marsh. That technology is what made modern toasting possible. Any way, it would have been way to expensive, so I was thinking along the lines of cloning?”
“Yes, but could you make it an evil clone, having two Fredys would be worse then just one. But then I could have the pleasure of killing him more that one time. Hmm… Make an evil Fredy and keep some unaltered DNA for posterity.”
“Yes, your Greatness”
Fredy was sitting there reading his magazine upside down (he has already read it fourteen times), when he felt a prick from a sinister looking pointy thingy on which he hung his hat. He figured it wanted to sit in the chair and since he has been sitting there for a while he thought he could move to the floor.
The Scientist went to work on his cloning machine, bought from the Raelians a year ago. Soon he had a vial full of Fredy’s DNA ready for manipulation. I won’t go in to details, because I don’t want anyone to do what the Scientist has done. I told it once to this someone, and my poor friend Ed, he was put in the hospital by evil parakeets. Poor Ed.
A day later, Fredy was a little bored, since he ate his magazine and now had nothing to read. In walks this flea with a can of orange soda. The flea stops and faces Fredy; Fredy stands up, squints at the other flea and tries to fix his own hair.
An epic battle ensued, mostly composed of the Fredy running away and the other flea chasing him. They continued on for about forty minutes until over the loud speaker the Great Alflonzo said, “You fool, use the soda!”
The other flea stops and opens the can of soda. Everyones eyes are on the lips of the other flea as he slowly raises the can. His lips touch the chilled Aluminum and he lets the cold refreshing liquid flow down his throat. Then he explodes, ripping a big hole in the side of the warehouse. Fredy decides that it is the time to go home, grabs his hat and runs out the gapping hole. On his way to safety, he stops by the store and picks up a copy of Paper Clips Unlimited, and then he picks up another. He needs to eat tonight.
To celebrate this grand joy that typing a post on my own computer, I have posted a pic of myself. Take a good look, because when I post next it will be gone.