There are moments that have been burnt into my memory with such vividness and with such violence of beauty that when recalled I can swear I’m there. This one in particular came back to me today.

Her name was Ashely and she was a coworker. She was pretty and I had a slight crush on her, but I wouldn’t describe her as beautiful. It was late afternoon and the sun was low and behind the lodge of the camp we were working. It was a gold camp and she was wearing her uniform, which consisted of a long pioneer dress and a bonnet and I was in my trousers, shirt and straw hat.

We had some free time and were walking from one end of the grass to the other, just talking. I quipped something – something mean and slightly insulting teasingly. And then it happened.

Time actually slowed – she spun around as to jokingly hit me for what I said, but I couldn’t care because everything else was coming together. The field was covered with golden light from the retiring sun, casting a glow and the essence of summer. Ashely was backlit and the way that the light shown through her spinning dress and highlighted it’s edges. Her escaped hair captured the light and seemed to glow, illuminating and framing her face.

It was a perfect moment and I felt like I was in a movie. It was the lighting and The shot that every photography has dreamed of. And I was living it in slow motion.

But then her fist made contact with my arm and time returned to normal, as she stormed off upset at what I said.

… in Texas. Or so it seems. I don’t know if it’s just me. It could just be God. It could be Texas.

I’m one of those people who likes for things just to be done. If something needs to be done, do it. Why wait? I have enough of a Type A personality that if God says to do something, then I do it. If you get it done now, you don’t have to worry about it later.

Maybe God acts different out here. Maybe this is a time in my life that he’s working on a different part of me with different tools. Maybe He’s giving me more of a head-up then before. “Hey, do this. But not now. I’ll tell you when.”

And it could be Texas too. There is much more of a culture of waiting on God here, or at least in the circles I run in. The church I’ve been attending has been building a church for 10 years. To me that seems like a really long time to building a church. But they have been happily doing it (Though now since they are so close to getting in the excitement has been building and everyone “can’t wait” to get in there. Think Christmas Eve style impatience).

And today at church, the speaker (this guy) spoke and it was just what I’ve been hearing and learning. (Another aside: It used to be that Church would bring something to my attention, then I’d have to deal with it during the week, but since being here, I would be dealing with something, God will tell me about it and how to fix it, then Church would just confirm it. It’s been different. Pretty cool but different). What I’ve been learning lately is that long term vision will defeat stress and anxiety.

Think of it this way. If you know that you are going to do something, and you know that God said that you are going to do something, why should it stress you out? Didn’t God say it? It’s like a problem gets you so focused on what’s not happening, or this thing that is happening, that your start thinking in your own strength. I need to do X to make Y happen, I need Z to happen before I can do W. I can’t see a way how to do X or make Z happen. What ends up happening is that I find my thoughts and mind just forgets about God. Everything ends up being about my strength and my might. And God tends not to give tasks or vision that you can do on your own.

Here’s a quote from a wise man:
“It’s the process. If you’re in a hurry you’ll not celebrate the process. The end suddenly is not what you need, it’s the process. if you don’t value process, you won’t experience the end suddenly.”

And that’s what I’m thinking about and living.

I love twitter. There, I just came out and said it.

Now, I don’t love everything about it; I love the skill it takes to capture the grandeur of what you are feeling and your emotions and almost masochistically cut and edit to fit in the painfully small 140 characters you’re given and have it still inspire and convey.

And as someone who loves words it’s a great place to just use them. Today I used “abhor”. When was the last time you used that word? It’s just fun! It conveyed the extreme disgust that I felt with only two more characters than “hate”.

I love that the limit makes you really prune down what you want to say. Sure if I used the shorthand “h8”, I could fit four more character and get another sentence or two in (especially if I use more shorthand). But then I’m trying to say too much. If I find myself wanting to do that, I force myself to think how else I can articulate this emotion and thought. Do I really need to say this word? Can I move this here and still have it mean the same thing? Things like that make twitter fun.