Monthly Archives: May 2006

Monday May 22, 2006

Where did this come from? You and me? They say that they have seen it long ago. You and me. It seems so unexpected, like this rain in the middle of May. Two days ago it was 96 degrees and we were just friends, but now it is raining and it is you and me.

Step back for all the world to see, your life means all the world to me
And I’ll take all pain and suffering, but I am such a sucker sometimes
Sometimes we don’t know, so plug up those bullet holes
of you feel so close, don’t let go until I say

One day we’ll drink to this, and say, “Remember when we died? We went out in flames”
One day we’ll drink to this, and say, “Remember when we died?”

Saturday May 20, 2006

There is nothing like being underwater.

It is so awesome. When the air in your lungs is burning, it makes you feel alive in a hotile eviroment. Somehow it is relaxing. If I wasn’t feeling so alive, I would love to be able to sleep underwater.

Have you ever felt naked while you swam? I do, when I don’t have my mask or fins. And a mask without a snorkel is pointless…

This post makes no sense….
I am just too tired to do anything right now.

I want to go swimming…

Friday May 19, 2006

Dance with me.

For all life is a dance.
Motions. Set to a rythym.
You dance your part, and I dance mine.

Motions are all we do.
Culture. Set to a rythym.
I bow to you, and you bow back.

Dance with me.

No why other than life.
Stillness. Set to a rythym.
See past the dance, and see the dancer.

Dance the dance with me.
Oneness. Set to a rythym.
See past the dancer, and see the dance.

Dance with me.

Wednesday May 17, 2006

…hear the the sounds of Life…

The scene unfolds…

A life of movies can’t but influence how you see the world. The first things are sounds. Instructions. I don’t understand them, but they are reassuring. My eyes open, and the afternoon light comes through. I see dark blue, and Andrew worried. I have no clue what told me he was worried, but I knew that before my eyes were open.
I am turned over on my back, with hands all over. There are hands on my head, on my shoulders, and on back itself. They strap me to the board so tight that it hurts the back of my head.

I wonder if my life was being watched in the theater, what would happen during this scene? Would the girl on the left have her hands over her mouth and nose? Would the one on the right grab the hand of her date a little tighter? Would some one appreciate the art in it all? See the planning of the shot? Of the sound engineers that mixed the sound? Would anyone see the visionary’s vision of death to resurrection? See the yellow turn into the green? And know what that means?

How would the visionary show this to others? The lost of time. How do you film sleep? How do you film dreams? How do you film death? And how do you convey the feeling I had of ‘oh wow, what a strange dream?’ on film? Things that are happening get instantly transferred into memory, then recalled as a dream. And as all dreams fade, during this scene, this one does too and now becomes more real. And how do you show the length of time it took? In a movie, it would have to be done in about 30 seconds, or it will be too long. Now because more now for each minute until I woke up the next day. How do I show the insanity of every minute being clearer than the one before? For four whole hours? Each new sentence brought new revelation. Each blink brought clearer vision.

The oxygen in my nose is cold. I breathe deeply and think about it. I don’t remember oxygen being put in my nose, but that doesn’t matter besides as back story. My main thoughts now revolve around that it feels good and I should relax. As I relax, I think that only old people have oxygen. I picture my Grandma in her blue chair with her tubes in her nose, tubes like I now I am breathing through. I feel the air that is getting in, around the oxygen, I know that I don’t need the oxygen, but my head hurts too bad to tell the person that I don’t need it.

My head hurts in the back right where it meets the stretcher board. I know that pain, and I know that it would go away if my head wasn’t strapped so tight. But my neck scares me. It hurts too. From the back of my head to my shoulder joints hurts. I don’t want to move it. My lower back has some scratches and I wonder if I bleed much. Not until later in the hospital did I get to see it. It wasn’t bad at all, it didn’t feel bad. I just wanted to know if it bleed a bunch cause that would be cool. I kind of hear Janae in the front talking to Andrew. I hear the lady that is with me talk on the radio to the hospital or something.

How do I convey that? How do I relate the delirium that I was in when I was getting my cat scan to being really tired and still going to the audience in the theater? How I felt when I FORMed the techs, and the nurse? And how the fear of the scary elevator that my bed didn’t fit down very well? And how that the thought of ‘how did I get up there in the first place’ or ‘they didn’t have this much trouble getting me up’ didn’t occur to me?

The look on my dad’s face would be easy though.

say to the broken man, o’ rise up and dance again,
say to the blind man, open up your eyes,
say to the barren woman, you are the happy mother of children,
say to the orphan, you have a father and a friend.