Just to feel the pain in your own fists and know you are alive.

To expel all the energy pent up in your body, to fall down exhausted and sleep.

To destroy something, and some how create.

To bring peace to your world, and calmness to your soul.

To know that you are just not a nobody, but a somebody.

Because the heightened state of readiness and security of your darkest secrets has worn you down and you just want to yell who you really are and what you really do at the top of your lungs

Tomorrow I leave. I am going to battle. I know that I will come back, but what happens if I don’t? This is war, ya know.

Have I been on the winning side, the battle doesn’t seem that is should be happening. What do I do if the war is already won?

I know am going to come back, but there are parts of me that I hope get killed.

I look beyond the empty cross
Forgetting what my life has cost
And wipe away the crimson stains
And dull the nail that still remains
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
Battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain,
And wash my feet and cleanse my pride
Take the selfish, take the weak,
And all the things I cannot hide
Take the beauty, take my tears
My sin-soaked heart – make it yours
Take my world all apart,
Take it now, take it now
And serve the ones that I despise
Speak the words I can’t deny
Watch the world I used to love
Fall to dust and blow away

Jesus my heart is all I have to give to You, so weak and so unworthy,
this simply will not do, no alabaster jar, no diamond in the rough,
for Your body that was broken, how can this be enough?
by me You were abandoned, by me You were betrayed,
yet in Your arms and in Your heart forever I have stayed.