A long time ago the world was a happier place. Back in 1997, when Fredy and Alflonzo just graduated from elementary school, you could go to the grocery store or on vacation with out ninjas or clones chasing you.
Back then Fredy and Alflonzo were friends, they went to the same school, even the same church. And our story starts when they were on a missions trip to Mexico.
We find our villain, or pre-villain as he may be, walking the streets of Mexicali with his then friend Fredy. Alflonzo being the kind, polite, and caring son that he was, wanted to call his mother to tell her about the trip. He and Fredy walk up to a pay phone, a Telnor. Alflonzo has already had a stressful week, his back hurt from carrying all the little kids, his legs were tired from running from all the little kids, and his head hurts from all the little kids. (They liked to hit it when he would give them piggyback rides.) All he wanted to do was just sleep, and talk to his mother. So he picked up the receiver and wiped it with a wet wipe. Dialed â€œ0â€ for the operator, for he knew not the cost of a call to home. And he of course was answered in Spanish. Alflonzo not knowing much Spanish said â€œÂ¿hablo ingles?â€ Then the it happened. The Telnor starts to speak. Not a little tinny voice on the other end, but the actual Telnor machine.
â€œMexico belongs to Mabel! Long live Mabel!â€
Alflonzo was more than a little confused by that statement hung the receiver on the hook and walked away. That night back at the camp he was staying in Mexico with his team, the speaker spoke about living your life for others. What Alflonzo heard above Fredy’s snoring really moved his heart and he finished the week strong for God’s glory.
Back home, Alflonzo would have forgot about the weird Telnor comment if it were not for the new pay phone by the local 7-11. He needed a ride home, so he went to use it. But to his horror and confusion it was a Telnor! He really needed a ride home so he mustered up the courage to use it, when he dialed the â€œ0â€ the ground shook and it went black.
When Alflonzo came to he heard a booming deep voice commanding guards to seize him. Alflonzo would of fought back but he knew it was hopeless, what could a 12 year old boy do against at least forty men, all of them at least 9 feet tall. (Okay, they weren’t that tall, but haven’t we already determined that Alflonzo wasn’t a very brave little boy?) The two men took him to a room where a silhouette of aÂ man was standing in the back of the room..
â€œHOW DARE YOU ATTEMT TO FOIL MY PLANS, YOU… YOU… YOU CHICKEN NUGGET!â€ The voice boomed.
â€œI don’t know what you are talking about? I just needed a ride home.â€ Alflonzo politely explained. The booming voice that belonged to Mabel then went on how the Telnors were part of a global domination plot involving giant inflatable dinosaurs that every one would want in their rooms, and oddly orange soda.
-Meanwhile, at the 7-11, Fredy was walking along and fell in to a new hole that was recently opened.–
â€œI get itâ€ said Alflonzo to the silhouetted man.
â€œNOW YOU SEE WHY I HAVE TO KILL YOU NOW DON’T YOU?â€ The silhouette asked.
â€œUm, yeah, but… why not just let me go? What could I do to your plans?â€ Alflonzo said has he nervously glanced around the room. And in walks Fredy. And time slowed down. In Alflonzo’s mind, thoughts start to race, but all of them go back to the speaker in Mexico, â€œ…and you will know what you will have to do…â€ Alflonzo jumps and bites the guard that was in the room. Fredy yells and runs smack in to the light that was silhouetting Mabel. And everything stops. There was just a little kitten sitting on a chair in front of a cardboard cut out of a man.
â€œI work for a cat?â€ says the guard holding his arm with Alflonzo still attached. He then shakes of Alflonzo and walks out the door. Fredy holding his head says â€œOh what a cute kitten.â€
â€œI AM NOT CUTE!!!â€ The booming voice booms.
â€œYes you are,â€ Fredy counters, â€œYou are so tiny and have a big head with those huge cute eyes that look like they are about to pop out!â€
â€œWHO CARES WHAT I LOOK LIKE! I WILL KILL YOU BOTH NOW!â€ Mabel hits a little button with her dainty paw and her seat rises up and turns in to a twenty foot tall robot. Much running and running into objects (that was all Fredy) followed, until they were in the Orange Soda Storage Room. (The soda that it stored was orange, not the room itself. It was painted green.) Alflonzo climbed up on the middle storage tank and got this great idea.
â€œFredy, get her in to the center of the Orange Soda Storage Room!â€ He shouted. Fredy ran right in to the storage tank that was in the center of the Orange Soda Storage Room.
â€œI HAVE YOU NOW!â€ shouted Mabel.
â€œNo! I have you!â€ Alflonzo shouted back as he opened the valve to the tank. The powerful spray knocked the robot over and fried all its electronics.
â€œmy robot!â€ a little voice said, â€œi feel so small now.â€
â€œFredy, go call the policeâ€ Alflonzo said. Fredy leaves and walks back in a few minutes later.
â€œMan I am so thirsty,â€ said Fredy. And he turned a little valve to open a small stream of soda.
â€œFredy! Don’t! That is for turning things in to monsters! Mabel told me herself!â€ But Fredy didn’t listen and he took a big swig. And… nothing happened.
â€œOh,â€ is all Alflonzo could say.
The cops soon arrived and made Fredy a hero. Newspapers ran his name in the headlines for the next six months straight. This irked Alflonzo just a little, but he was a polite boy and he didn’t really care that much. But what really got him was that they gave Fredy a pony. Alflonzo really wanted a pony growing up, now the one that really did less than half the work in the capture of a global terrorist gets all the pony. He would harbor this hatred all through out high school, where bitterness rotted his heart to nothing but a cold dark rock that existed to destroy the one that caused this grief.
where be episodes one and two?? i have missed them! lol, good stuff!
Awesome possum, words canot describe what an epic tale has been told through the use of inside jokes and past experiences!Â You seriously made my week.
haha! no wonder i didn’t understand a lot of it! hehe 🙂
I wanna play music at nates dad’s house! Oh well, have barrels o’ fun!
u have no eprops! here are some… *eprops* But anyways… I think that throwing rocks at a can for 45 minutes counts as boredom… not true redneckiness because
1) you don’t live in the south
2) you didn’t have any beer.
In the next story you should incorporate killer squirrels that receice their training at community colleges and possesed San Franciscan pigeons.
I just might.
HEY! I happen to BE one of those killer squirrels that is very highly trained at a community college! Be kind to the squirrels while they bite your ankles!
….wow, this post sure does have a lot of comments… I guess some of that is my fault! 🙂
that story could definately win a grammy! GO YOU!