Monday January 3, 2005

Andrew’s life.
This wends. he is going to drop kick Ben W. Only because he is the only person Andrew could pick up to drop. In a few months he will go and visit the King’s in Kansas City and be impressed by Misty Edwards’ Piano playing skill. He will, upon returning home, go and take lessons at the local college.
For his seventeenth birthday he will go bungee jumping were he will meet his future wife. She will be the most hot girl in the whole world. She will of course ignore his existance. The day after his birthday he will go on tour with his muscian-ary band (with the most awesome bass player in the whole world, me.). He will travel the pasific ring going to cambodia, vietnam, china, and japan. Where he will get arrested for running down the middle of the road with a cucumber.
On his eighteenth birthday he will enlist in to the Navy, and become a seal. Here he will swim as far as he can in the ocean, during Hell Week of seal training. On a rutine mission in England he will break something really really important, and thus start wwiii. To escape the heat he will hide in Pastor Eduardo’s Village in Mexico and be naturalized.
In the aftermath of the war he will rise to power. I can’t say how because I don’t want to spoil it for him. Then he will turn the media conservative, making the liberals and the Mormons the scapegoats. And being able to do anything he wants he will make them pick cotton and run the casinos. The casino ones get really bored though. Andrew outlawed gambling, so there are these machines that if anyone touches they die.
After a few months he becomes, well let’s say ‘eccentric’, playing on the womens vollyball team during the olymics and winning. Winning the pole vault by default. (all the other vaulters were killed in a “freak” bus accident.) Being on dateline to talk about the ‘horrors’ of the ‘freak’ bus accident.
So on his 22nd birthday he retires from world leadership after hearing that there is some duck trying to kill him. He then goes to costa rica, and meets up with a druggy. [edited for spoilers] and then he switches out the cocaine for the suger from pixie sticks, after washing the color out. In what will always be know as The Great Hyperness, Andrew flees the country of Columbia to Italy.
At the age of 35 he meets the most hot girl afore mentioned. They start dating and he takes her out to eat. He says “I can’t be with you.” Then he stands up and says, “I have to go to the bathroom.” When he comes back she is gone and there are a bunch of tissues on the table. He will read a note on the table that says something like “I am so sorry for all the hearts that I have broken.” and things will click in his mind. He will apoligize and they will get married and live in the beach house and make babies.
But the poor little illegitmate puppy of his french poodle will have a condition that will drain all of Andrew’s money. Having a family to take care of Andrew will because a realtor. Not really satisfied with is career path he turns to inventing. He invents a new oven to cook bread in. It works so well that every bakery buys one. (can you see where this is going?) Yeah something goes wrong and every place that makes Sourdough bread burns down. He will blame me: his good friend. Yeah, since everything is my fault and with the laws that Andrew set up during his reign, I was killed. Then he will die of old age and go to heaven. The end.

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