Mother of all bluegills, it has been a long day. A long day of nothing. Of killing time, working on my day off, going to walmart three times (in random order: seeing Ryan and Nina, hunting Elyse and her tall friend, kicking Lindsey [hard], riding bikes, eating tacobell, saying good bye to Steven, saying hi to Steven, buying a dvd on flycasting.), hung out with Laura for a tiny bit, saw Andrew for less, and Katie for even less than that. Came home and read.

Random weekend memory: Getting into the front of the cab and having to squeeze my legs between the dash and the seat. And my head touching the roof when the seat back was keeping my back straight and the only place I could loss height from was my neck.

Sigh. I think I will go to bed now. It is late. and my brain has stopped working.

and then there is this song angry:

But you sit there silent, folded arms
And look down as I walk by
My face has changed, you know it’s me
You know by the stillness in my eyes.
Come and whisper in my ear, “You’re very pretty, dear” and..and
“It’ll be alright.” You’re lying!
But I don’t mind tonight.

I have seen the sunrise. The orb on the horizon yesterday colored the color of red that the only the sun can get. And this morning, the sunrise’s glory wasn’t in the sun but the buildings. Glass that is so boring and inorganic taking a life of its own. The glory of man reflecting the glory of God. Worship. Like last night. Something about people playing their hearts out for God and something about having a camera in my hands. There is something about being in a worship atmosphere and doing what you love. It is worship.

Anyone like my disappearing act?

You are afraid?
I am.
Why?
It means that I give up everything.
Everything?
My hopes, my dreams. My wife, my house.
If you are afraid, why do it?
Cause.
Why?
I have to?
You do? What makes you say that?
I feel it.
Tell me more.
Can’t you feel it?
No. If you don’t want to do it then don’t.
I have to. I feel it. It scares me, so I have to do it.
If it scares you why do you have to do it?
It will be powerful. It will change the world.
You sound rather dramatic.
Don’t you feel it? The calling?
To do what?
To give everything, to dance with the One.
Dance?
I feel it, just beyond my finger tips.
The One?
No, the shift.
The shift?
To the Otherside.
Death?
No. Yes. Well. I don’t know. Can’t you feel it?
No. What is it like?
Over there, it doesn’t matter. Over there I am with Him, the One.
God? You sure you aren’t talking about death?
To dance with the One, nothing else matters, everything becomes the illusion that it is.
Everything is an illusion?
Are you stupid? Don’t you understand? He is what makes everything as it is. It is for His Glory and pleasure that he made us. Everything is made. The One isn’t. He was never made. Can’t you see what that means? He is the reason, He is why. Everything else is a subplot. Everything thing else is high school drama. Everything else is nothing.
Nothing? Just a subplot? What about other people? They could be starving, that isn’t an illusion.
But it is. What is real? Your body? Your soul? He is real and everything else just fades away.
You are calloused and cold.
Dancing is amazing, you change. Nothing is important but Him. His eyes, His thoughts, His cares. I maybe calloused and cold, but it doesn’t matter, because He isn’t.
You are insane. Have you danced with ‘The One” yet?
Compassion that destroys. Can’t you hear it calling?