Category Archives: Thoughts

Andrew VS the gummy candies

Once upon a time, there was a man. This man’s name was Andrew. Andrew loved his gummy candies. Gummy worms, gummy bears, gummy sharks, they all were loved and met their demise under Andrew’s powerful molars. Gummy peach rings – smash, smash, smash, down his gullet. Gummy dots – chew, chew, chew, swallowed with delight. Wherever Andrew could find gummy candies, Andrew would joyfully purchase and delightfully devour them.

One fateful day, Andrew had the brilliant idea of making his own gummy candies. He found a recipe online and procured all the necessary ingredients. He followed the directions to the letter and let them set in the freezer. He pried on out and squeezed it between his fingers. Hmm, he thought, feels about right. He popped it in his mouth and started to chew. HORRIBLE! It tasted nasty and was far too chewy! He spit it out and went and cried himself to sleep.

The next day, he woke up and cleaned up the mess he made. He noticed there was a recipe on the back of the gelatin box. Hmm, he thought, those pretty looking pictures look about right. So after another trip to the store, he followed the new recipe to the letter! He let it sit in the fridge to solidify. After he was finished waiting, he pulled them out. They were too soft! Horrible, he thought, but hey, free jello! And he proceeded to eat it all, slightly disappointed.

The next day, he found yet another recipe. Continuing on his quest for delicious homemade gummy candies, he went to the store, got all the stuff and followed the recipe to the letter. Still not right! They were even less enjoyable than the jello.

Then the next day came, and with it, a last ray of hope! A new recipe to follow. So right away, our young, dashing, intrepid, handsome, muscular, and very much single (ladies…) hero Andrew followed this last recipe to the letter. It looked like candy, it smelled like candy, it might be candy! He waited impatiently as the candy hardened. Ding! The candy was done.

Slowly, Andrew pulled it off the foil. It was springy, it smelled fruity, it seems to be perfect! He cuts himself off a piece of the block… slowly puts it in his mouth… starts to chew… continues to chew… realizes that he’s still chewing… and realizes that it doesn’t taste good at all!

NOOOOOOOOO! Andrew yells, rending his shirt in a fit of rage and anguish. His head and hands drop, defeated. He quietly cries and crawls into bed.

New post

With all that’s been going on (not much), I’ve been too busy (doing nothing) to write a blog post. My profound thoughts (keep that phrase in mind) have been spewing (I just wanted to use the word spew) from my head and I haven’t simply been able to keep them contained long enough for them make it to this blog post (I think I mean I forgot them).

BUT TODAY IS DIFFERENT! Here they all are (In all reality they aren’t profound at all. It was total sarcasm before) in line item form (cause I think it’ll be fun!):

  1. I went for a run this morning. It was quite warm at 7 am.
  2. I rolled my foot while running and whenever I put pressure on it – in the outer, mid-foot area – it hurts.
  3. It wasn’t till after work that I remembered the whole RICE thing. I still didn’t do much past the R.
  4. I managed to turn in a big project today, while trying my best to move two other huge projects forward at the same time. I could have used a whole ‘nother person today.
  5. I made Balsamic-Glazed Drumsticks today. Except I didn’t use drumsticks. I used leg quarters. Still tasty.
  6. I didn’t follow the recipe quite to the letter. I doubled the sauce and replaced some of the vinegar with apple cider vinegar so I didn’t have to use all my good stuff.
  7. I also didn’t wait to let them cool like he said.
  8. I burnt my mouth.
  9. It’s like 9 pm and I’m looking forward to bed.
  10. I just wanted this to be an even ten.
  11. Cause I’m cool like that.
  12. Well, crap… Might as well keep going.
  13. The section of this article on Gang Stalking victims brings up some interesting thoughts and hint at what I really thinks wrong with people who believe conspiracies.
  14. I think I have a conspiracy about people who believe in conspiracies.
  15. Don’t try to contradict me, cause then you’re part of the conspiracy!



He looks at me, coldly and without compassion.

“I don’t care that you don’t understand. ‘What is it that you want me to do?’ I want you to take that rock and carry it over there,” he says. “Don’t ask why, just do it.”

He cracks a smile. “That wasn’t so hard,” he says, his voice flavored with amusement. “Keep up this pace and you’ll be finished by next week. That’s it, grab another rock and put it with the others.”

He stands there. “You really should learn to get along with everyone. Fighting isn’t going to make your stay here any easier,” he offers sarcastically. “Learn to keep your head down. Your stay here is only temporary; you’ll be back home with your family in no time.”

He laughs hard at my expense, “That’s right! I heard about you; your family’s dead. Well, maybe soon you can join them. We always could use more cannon fodder – someone to soak up all those bullets flying around so our boys can shoot those trashy, no-good rednecks in the next fight.”

All laughter is gone, as he gets a distant look in his eyes. “My brother’s wife got taken in the last raid. Just those idiots wait until the river stops flooding. I don’t even know how they got across it.”

He stares off in the direction of the river for a moment, then quickly turns back. “No slacking! Move these rocks or you will wish you were cannon fodder already!”

John Carter of Mars

I was cruising around the interwebs sometime around Thanksgiving, and a trailer caught my attention (link). It had swords, giant aliens, and quite a bit of action. I thought that the name sounded familiar, and I really felt that it was based off some books. I looked it up on my kindle and saw that it was, but not only that, the books were old and free! So I spent money on a collection (a whole 99 cents) and started reading them.

And to my delight, I found them quite entertaining.

So far, I’ve read the first three books, A Princess of Mars, The Gods of Mars, The Warlord of Mars. The basic premise is this: A civil war vet named John Carter get transported to Mars and seems to fight with everything he finds. He makes friends and falls in love with the titular princess. He always seems to find himself fighting incredible odds, which have to be even more exaggerated since he is super strong. His Earth muscles give him super strength on Mars where there’s less gravity.

Like I said before, these books are quite entertaining. They are not award winners and I would actually probably define them as pulp fiction. John is a fully developed character that is incredibly moral and you’re just along for the ride as he gets into these crazy situations and adventures. You’re getting a sermon on how a man should act in a non-boring way. Real men never back down from a fight, they always fight for the woman they love, they don’t stand around and let injustice happen. John teaches those uncivilized people living in a hostile and unforgiving environment how to be civilized.

John himself doesn’t mature, doesn’t come to any realizations or revelations about himself – he doesn’t grow as a character.

Another interesting thing I really enjoyed about these books, was the fact that they are so old. The first book was written in 1917 and the way that Mars was envisioned as a dying planet with canals and life on it, reminds me of the hope and sense of adventure that was so definitive of early science fiction. Other science in the book is completely implausible and at sometimes laughable, but it never really detracts from the story.