Thursday March 15, 2007

Cause this can’t go on much longer.

Take away my firm belief and graft my soul upon Your grief.

It is worse now. The swings are too much, but do they exist at all? Your love warms me like a summer day, but it makes the cold of winter colder. I feel like a rock in the early spring, water seeping into my cracks and becoming ice. Pieces of me falling off to be ground up into dirt

Weddings, boats, and alibis, all drift away, and a mother cries…

I feel like I am spinning faster and faster. The longing vs the contentment. I feel like I will go critical and just stop trying and watch and see where my body parts lie.

If the world was how it should be, maybe I could get some sleep

You are everywhere I look, I am almost haunted. You confound me and blow my mind only to have me pick up the pieces in wonder. You have made something so beautiful out of something so painful. My head still hurts – my car, my job, my friends. What is going to happen with that? Should I leave the pieces on the ground? Your plan for all this? Was that deer in my path for a reason, or something unplanned? Unplanned? Can you do that? Can I do that? Where and when is this all going to make sense, when and where am I going to stop caring and let you be who you are?

Why are we so afraid?
We make it worse when we don’t bleed

How does this work? Where am I going? How can I have two dreams? Two goals? Can I be in two places at once? Can my inheritance be both 1200 and the cries of thirsty children? Am I going to explode? Will there be a vacuum left? What are you doing with my head and my heart?

Oh my God.

Am I the only one who see this? That they are all the same? The explosion and the implosion are still you. You give me my breath. You take it away. I know you hold my life in your hand and have piece, but only with my life? Why am I not content in other places, why am I so badly bent?

Oh my God, look around this place
Your fingers reach around the bone
You set the break and set the tone

If I stop picking up the pieces, will you?

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