Note: Some of my older readers might remember Fredy. He’s a character that has had such adventures as The Adventures of Fredy the Flea: Episode 1. “Fredy the Flea vs. the Ninja Grocer”, The Adventures of Fredy the Flea: Episode 2. “Fredy the flea vs. himself”, and The Adventures of Fredy the Flea: Episode 3. “The Fall of Alflonzo” or “Beginnings”. The older episodes are full of inside jokes that I’ve half forgotten and some pretty poor writing. Also as far as I can tell, Fredy is actually a flea with an actual superpower – the super power of “human” strength. I’m not quite sure how this works out, cause Fredy has actually never used his power in one of the adventures I have written down. Also he’s human sized and anthropomorphic. This universe might be old, but the rules are still being discovered.
We find Fredy the Flea, our beloved hero, at the zoo. Ah, This trip is just what I need, Fredy thought as he surveys the zoo before him. He was “super stoked” to see some of his favorite animals in passable reconstuctions of their natual habitats, while still being cost effective in their constuction. But Fredy wasn’t there to protest, debate, discuss or even think about the ethicality of keeping wild animals in non-wild enviroments. Fredy was there to see some dolphins, tigers, and exotic birds!
After gladly paying money for the privilege of admittance to his local zoo, Fredy whipped out the zoo’s map from his trusty fanny-pack. My fanny-pack once again proved it’s usefulness, Fredy thought. He quickly found the most efficient way (to a flea’s mind) to see all the animals he wanted to, while avoiding the ones that he just really didn’t care for, and went on his way.
Meanwhile, in the penguin exibit, the Great Alflonzo briefed his minions.
“Minions!” he bellowed before continuine in a more stately manner, “It has come to my attention that Fredy the Flea is here, far too close for comfort. Please bring him here to me. I wish to end this annoyance.”
“Yes, sir!” both the minions answered in unison before scurrying off, leaving Alflonzo alone, pining for the days before the recession when he could afford three whole minions AND a secretary. Alas, even evil genius arch-villans are not exempt from economic woes. Alflonzo had to move his headquarters into the Penguin exhibit to save on rent. It smells awful, but it’s always nice and cool.
The minions found Fredy in a heated discussion with a churro vendor. Fredy was inisiting that since he’s been to Mexico 11 times, he’s an expert at churros and the vendor’s churros were no where close to being authentic. The vendor was loudly protesting in spanish, not so much what Fredy was saying, but because the vendor just moved here from Mexico and his english is limited to the phrase “Churro 13 dollars”. The alteration started to get rather heated and to the battle cry of “CHURRO 13 DOLLARS!”, the vendor knocked his cart. Churros, hot oil, batter, cinnamon sugar, and little paper bags all went flying through the air like a flock of startled pigeons.
Fredy and the vendor, the two minions, and the gathered crowd all gasped at the mess now created all over the sidewalk. The vendor started apologizing profusly in spanish when he was interrupted with a scream of “NINJA JANITOR ATTACK!” In the middle of the mess landed a janitor wearing a ninja mask. The ninja janitor swings his push broom and knocks over the vendor and lunges at Fredy.
An epic battle ensued, mostly consisting of Fredy running away and and the ninja janitor screaming his battle cry. Suddenly Fredy remembered that he had an orange soda in his handy fanny pack. Without breaking stride, and somewhere around the monkeys, Fredy managed to open the soda and bring the can to his lips. Just before the cool, refreshing, delicious liquid could run down his throat and give Fredy his super power of “human” strength, the ninja janitor threw a roll of toilet paper with all his might.
The roll left the ninja janitor’s hand and time slowed down. All eyes where on the roll as it sailed majestically though the air, followed by a trail of unraveling sheets like some paper comet. The crowd gasped, not quite sure what the T.P. would do, but still in awe of it’s graceful flight. Then, BAM! The plush roll knocked the pop can out of Fredy’s hands and spilled soda all over the ground.
“Now look what you did! You know you’re going to have to clean this up.” Fredy said, slightly indignate. “You’re worse of a ninja than that Ninja Grocer that tried to kill me that one time. I’m done here. I’m leaving.” And with that Fredy just walked away and left the Zoo.
The Ninja Janitor just stood there stunned. He never heard such harsh words. For it was his brother, Jack, who was the Ninja Grocer that attacked Fredy that one time. Jack failed and was arrested and consequently became the black sheep of the ninja family. Ninja Janitor always thought he was better than his brother, but this confrontation with the Flea struck a chord deep in his soul. He grabbed his mop and started to clean up the soda spill.
The minions shrugged at the developments and returned to Alflonzo, only to be berated for not actually capturing Fredy, but managed to keep their employment do to a technicality of the capturing not being explicitly expressed and the course of their actions (or non-actions) did remove the Flea from the Zoo to restore a comfortable distance to the parties involved. That and also it’s so hard to find minions who work for so little these days.