This post probably won’t get graphic, but will discuss intimate details of the workings (or the current unworkings) of my body.

You’ve been warned. Also, I apologize if the warning is far harsher than is necessary. I don’t want any of  you gore hounds all excited to only be left wanting and disappointed.

It all started this morning. I woke up rather late and only had two rashers of bacon for breakfast. Not the best, but I was planning on going and getting some eggs from the taco place a block from the office. As you can tell by my use of the word “planning”, that I didn’t quite make it. Work was productive and distracting and I didn’t realized I was hungry till about 10:50. Which is a horrible time to realize you’re hungry. I ended up just roughing it out till lunch, and did pretty well. I wasn’t super grouchy, but still a little. I was quite excited about eating my food.

So I made my salad and started eating it. My stomach was all “Wait! What is this stuff? I’ll trust you, but I’m not super happy about it”. I know that eating a lot of cold salad can sometimes make your stomach a little upset as it gets stretched out and what ever stomachs do when they get a bunch of salad put in them, so I pressed through. About half way through the salad, my lower digestive track was all “Um… I know you’re busy and all, but I kinda need to go.” I figured I could always wash my hands and return to my lunch. So I sat down and managed to evacuate everything in my system. I thought it was a little weird, but washed my hands really well and went back to lunch.

After I finished off the rest of my salad, my stomach was still upset and things were all wambling down there so I decided that I should just take like an extra hour to let things settle. So I sent a text to my boss letting him know. Well, letting him know my stomach was upset and I was taking an extra long lunch to hopefully settle it down, nothing more than that.

30 minutes later, my stomach was still wambling (someone learned a new word today) and I had to go again. I proceeded to empty my previously thought emptied bowels. I did this 2 more times, with the last one having bits of my lunch from today in it. Which is surprising, and I realize that I need to chew a little better.

So if you were on Facebook today and happened to see that I was on, it’s not that I’m a slacker and checking at work or anything, it was that I was laying in bed trying to get warm (the house was like 50 at lunch).

Now it’s time for some comfort food and more “Never being more than 30 feet from the toilet”.